Both Sides Now by Barbara Ferrer

Author:Barbara Ferrer [Ferrer, Barbara]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781626817005
Publisher: Diversion Books
Published: 2015-06-16T04:00:00+00:00

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Kath never once questioned why I hadn’t gone to see her in the hospital those couple of days, although she surprised me by asking if I felt better. And other than saying, yeah, I did, didn't offer anything more in the way of explanation. I figured if she knew enough to ask how I was feeling, then someone had probably let her in on how sick I was and that I’d been advised to stay away.

News that probably came as a relief to her.

To me, too, and if that made me a bastard, at least it made me an honest bastard.

The most amazing thing? Those surreal couple of days, being so sick, losing track of time—or rather, having time marked only by when I was with Libby and when I wasn’t—accomplished the unimaginable. Finally, after so many months, I was able to deal. I mean, really, honestly cope, not just feel like I was hanging on by a fraying rope. Any time I felt like I was on the edge of losing my shit, I’d back into my office and close the door. There, in the half dark, I would recall the image of Libby handing me the bag of supplies she’d bought, looking like an anxious schoolgirl. Could feel her curved back against me, whispering how this was what she’d missed most, nearly breaking my heart in the process. Any one of the memories from those few days was enough to bring back the sensation of smoothing over the angry, raw places. Allowed me to calm down and give Kath her space.

Which wasn’t to say that I still didn’t want to help—to be there for Kath. But she didn’t want me. Didn’t trust me. Every look she sent me made that perfectly clear.

Not such a big surprise then, that the next time we went down to Miami, I found myself desperately hoping Libby would be there.

Definitely not a surprise the relief I felt when I saw the silver Volvo in the parking lot at Las Palmas or when I read the text message on my phone, that said if I wanted to go out to dinner to call her.

And that after I said good night to her and went to my room and showered, I found myself knocking at her door and, God help me, even less of a surprise that I found her waiting.

It should’ve been shocking how easy it was to fall asleep with Libby in my arms. And it was. Superseding shock, however, was the sense of security, the warmth and comfort that came from holding her, drifting off with her body against mine, my hand on her stomach, hers resting over mine as if to hold it in place. And draped over all of that like a blanket was the sheer relief that it was exactly how I’d remembered and not some messed up byproduct from how sick I’d been.

Weird, then, that I would have any desire to move away from her at any point.

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